I have a friend who perches on top of a mountain in glorious Vermont. Her yard is carpeted in clover and there have been many times I have bathed myself in green among them, rolling like a lizard in wonderland. Stooped over, I would search endlessly for that 4 leaf luck, only to come up empty handed again and again. Then one day my dear friend said, “You know, the four leaf clover is a common mutation.” I looked back down at the ground and saw not one, but two, then three. Four. I found six that day, one after the other and then actually found a five leaf clover, as if the leaves themselves were multiplying in front of me. I have them still; I look at them often. My friend laminated them for me, to remind me of the day when luck wasn’t so hard to find, when I simply shifted my perspective and instead of expecting difficulty, I said to myself over and over, “It’s a common mutation.”

I think of those clovers now as we plot our next move. I’ve been silent here, quiet while growing and birthing an amazing new addition to our family. The world seems so big now, too big, dangerous with such a small treasure in my hand. Nairobi, Kenya seems a great possibility for us. Africa is calling us back. But I feel my breath get caught in my throat now and my knees fall weak at the unknown. I still ache for the red dirt, the warm sun, the stunning smiles. So I have to shift my perspective. If I expect to find difficulty, I will. If I expect it to be hard, it will. Perhaps instead I should just trust that there are clovers hidden in all that dust and that if I just look the right way that is all I will see.

22 thoughts on “Clovers

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  1. beautiful post Sabrina – and props to you for posting at all with a newborn and another small child! I understand your fear/hesitation at the unknown with such a little helpless creature under your wing… but your perspective and strength is admirable. I have faith you will be fine no matter where you end up. And I look forward to reading all about it. xoxo

  2. magnificent post, Sabrina. It seems as though you’ve already found what you’re looking for- You create such beauty and light wherever you go. Wish you were here. I miss you and think about you every day.

  3. Congratulations on the newest addition to your family. You seem to be able to adapt well wherever you go and if you listen to your heart, the rest will fall in place.

  4. Congratulations! I was wondering why you had “been silent” and it’s a delight to learn that you had such an exciting and joyous reason. Thank you for sharing, and for writing so well about it, and I am sure that wherever you go next, you’ll walk on a carpet of four leaf clovers.

  5. manohman, you can write. i don”t know if you’ve had a baby or will nourish a return to africa, but i get your point loud and clear. and i thank you for it. i will hold on to it.


  6. I echo you on the world being so big and dangerous now with a tiny baby. For me, this became a crisis that has continued to do this day, 6 years after the birth of my first child. Before, the evils of this world concerned me less. They were less immediate. More distant. I could take care of myself. I could dis-attach if I needed to. Now, I am forever tied, umbilical-like, to the well-being and happiness of a little person. What hurts him hurts me.

    1. How beautifully put. Thank you for sharing that. Yes, we are tied to our children. When I hear of antibiotics losing there effectiveness and the crisis we will face if they all start to fail, all I think of is my children and the future we are giving them.

  7. As they say in my grandparents old country, mazel tov. As you already must know, there is no greater joy than having a child, except for having grandchildren of which I have two.

    When my first of two was born in my presence, I was first afraid to hold the bundle the nurse offered to me shortly following her birth. The first night home as we walked her all night in our apartment, our curse for overstimulating her immature nervous system when we brought her home, I realized that for the first time in my life, I had the responsibility for the care and well-being of another human being, helpless and in need of constant nurturing.

    Whew, your whole life changes into another realm. The wonderment and amazement as they grow places you on another plane, a different ether. The world will never be the same. But you already know this having an older child.

    Remember this: having two grown up children and two grandchildren, who change before your very own eyes, one thing never changes–you will always remain a mommy or daddy. And with all the attendent things that accompany that–worries, fears, anxiety, anticipation, love, devotion, pride, dependency, responsibility, and support. It is through them we achieve our immortality–a living extension of ourselves, and yet something totally different.

    This is like a modern version of the great religious philosopher Martin Buber’s “I and Thou”.

    Who can ask for anything more. Only a parent will understand.

  8. Synchronicity. That’s what I call happening upon your blog today by sheer accident. I was typing in RED ENVELOPE to buy a gift for a friend, and up came RED DIRT LATTES. “huh?!” i thought. what’s that? as i perused I realized you were in my husband’s pilot (Couples) many a year ago, what a tiny world and then I clicked on CLOVER and it was the message of the day for me! JUST this morning my hubby and I were talking about happiness being a choice and then the SAME conversation came up with my friend at lunch and then your clover story drove that home. thanks for a lovely moment. I read it aloud to Dave & it brought tears to my eyes. congrats on your baby, too! they are proof that life is good.

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